The remarkable thing is that the writers went to extra effort to include all this wrongness, instead of just glossing over it like any reasonable action movie would have. C'mon guys, just take the path of least resistance.

sharpening my knife for the sequel

This is at least the second book I’ve seen where the author, for lack of an original idea, has her heroine re-reading P&P, and having real-life events mimic exactly what is happening in the book. She pulls actual text from the novel, then immediately re-states it in modern lingo. And WOW, it's done so unskillfully.

Within the first 50 pages, the protagonist had broken 3 of my cardinal rules for being a good person:

• Speaking of Abercrombie and Fitch with anything other than scorn and derision.
•  Wearing Uggs – and mentioning it proudly to the reader.
• Talking on the phone while on the toilet. This is absolutely unforgivable. If you do this, DO NOT TELL ME. 

and really, i’m just embarrassed for you

Me: How many drinks a week would you say you have?
Patient: Oh, 'bout 2 or 3.
Me: Okay. Was your alcohol use heavier in the past?
Patient: [just laughs]
          This is basically every patient I have.

Lecturer:  Nowadays, on those medical TV shows full of beautiful people, they’re doing lung exams with the shirts on. This is dangerous  propaganda, because it’s amazing what you can hear when there’s no clothing in the way. So, when you’re all beautiful people taking care of patients on TV, let’s get those shirts OFF.

1. The large, lens-shaped high-intensity area on the patient’s left (white arrow) is an epidural bleed; the shape is distinct because the dura is peeling away from the skull.
2. The area on the patient’s right (black arrow) is a subdural hematoma: less lens-shaped but still on the periphery.
3. The area on the right anterior brain (black arrow) is a subarachnoid bleed: note that the blood follows the contours of the brain, meaning that there is no membrane between the hematoma and the tissue.
4. The white mass in the brain itself (white arrow) is an intraparenchymal bleed: it has a sort of blobby shape.

The cure? Overwhelm the patient’s system with ethanol, in order to prevent conversion of the methanol to formaldehyde, which is what blinds and kills you.

Therefore, the doctors were armed only with rum and breathalyzers. Their mission was to ensure that anyone who had ingested the contaminated batch of booze maintain a blood alcohol level of .11 by administering untainted ethanol.

Statements I like to imagine being made:

Aw man, you’re barely blowing a 0.08. Are you even trying?

Someone get that woman a giant pina colada - STAT!

If you stop drinking this delicious rum, made from the finest dark molasses, it will be against medical advice!

 I was standing in line at the IT help desk, listening to a conversation about money, happiness, and the relationship between the two.

"I'm not saying you need money to be happy," one guy said.

I smiled, and he noticed. "You know what I'm talking about, right doc?"

"I agree with you," I responded, “but money doesn't hurt."

He and his companions laughed. "I hear that. So, you on the market, doc?"

"Oh, I'm still in training," I cautioned him. "All I can bring to the table is debt."

"Well, we'll just set the wedding for 2013 then."

I laughed. "I'm a patient man," he said comfortably. "I think of it as an investment."

an investment in awesome

 Manswers provides mini-summaries for 3 minute segments, and then recaps every segment at the end of the show.

Conclusion: real men have dementia.

During each segment, the viewer is constantly bombarded by explosions and women dressed as ‘sexy nurses,’ ‘sexy professors,’ and ‘sexy person pointing at a globe.’

Conclusion: real men have ADHD.

Number of times I heard “Screw you, France!” + number of times I saw a large pile of poop crushing the Eiffel Tower > 0

Conclusion: real men are xenophobic.

On a personal note, I am concerned that I am quantifiably stupider after watching that show.

Conclusion: mission accomplished.

I'm reading this book called Neurology for the House Officer (1983). Things of note:

1) It is published and distributed by a pharmaceutical company, similar to The Merck Manual. So far I haven’t found any biased research studies or subliminal messages cajoling me to use their product.

2) At this time, they had determined that Crutzfeld-Jakob disease was transmissible, but had not identified the causative agent.

3) This book deems it important to inform me that Parkinson's tremor is NOT helped by alcohol. To be fair, essential and physiologic tremor are both helped temporarily by alcohol. I just like to imagine that many physicians at the time were frustrated that they couldn't tell their Parkinson's patients to just go get hammered.

there goes my primary treatment plan